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Why Is Your Love Falling On Deaf Ears?

Tuesday, August 20, 2013 by Amanda

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” – Lao Tzu

Did you know …

There are 5 love languages and we all have one we prefer. We tend to use our primary love language to show others that we love them. However, if their love language is not the same as ours, they may not feel loved by us.

Have you ever …

  • told someone how wonderful they are and had them dismiss you?
  • bust a gut doing things to help someone and they didn’t appreciate it at all?
  • given someone a gift and found it in the bin or pushed in the back of a cupboard?
  • spent quality time with someone and had them turn around right after and say “you don’t love me”?
  • hugged someone and felt like they couldn’t get away fast enough?

Chances are they had a different love language than you. The 5 Love Languages, as defined by Gary Chapman, include: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Receiving Gifts, Quality Time, and Physical Touch.

If my primary love language is Physical touch then I will tend to hug and touch others to show them that I love them. If their primary love language is any of the other 4, they will not feel loved by my hugs and touching. In fact, they may even try to avoid it. The meaning I then put on it is that they don’t love me because they don’t want to hug. However, this is not true. Whew! From the other side, I will need them to hug and touch me so that I can feel their love.

Sounds difficult … not really. Just think, what does the other person need to feel loved? Then give it to them. Also, tell them, for me to feel loved, I need you to do this.

For more information, check out the Official Website or Buy a Book.

If you are looking for the love of your life, a good friend of mine, Stefan Gonick has a fantastic program that may help.

I would love to hear about your experience with love languages. Please make a comment below.

Amanda Cartridge


15 Responses to “Why Is Your Love Falling On Deaf Ears?”

  1. Cory says:

    It’s definitely falling on deaf ears! I’ll need to look into this! Love your website!

  2. Fiona says:

    This is so true Amanda! I read this book years ago and it so helped me. My husband is a physical touch guy but I am not. I grew up in a family that never hugged and so I used to feel a little stifled sometimes and want to pull away. If would hurt his feelings but after we both read the book it made perfect sense. So I make an effort to show him how much I love him with touch and he uses words of affirmation to show me! So simple once you know! Thanks so much for the reminder. I didn’t think of that until just now, but I’m going to loan my book to my newly married sister.

  3. Amanda says:

    My boyfriend was very excited when he learned that my primary love language was physical touch because it is also his. Makes it easy for us!

  4. Amanda says:

    Thanks, I love it too!

  5. Bonnie Quiceno says:

    Wow Amanda! Such beautiful insight and something so important to remember. Thank you!

  6. Bethaney says:

    This is awesome Amanda….I didn’t know about the 5 languages of love. I am definitely a hugger and it became clear to me (although at a very late age) that not everyone appreciates all my touching and groping even though it was totally from my heart. Now I know to pay attention to these other ways and I can match what they love (as well as ask for what I want). Awesome! Oh and I am now with a guy who’s primary language is touch too… yay!

  7. Amanda says:

    It certainly does make it easier if your partner has the same language but it’s not at all necessary. When I first read the book, I found that it explained so many of those awkward moments where something didn’t seem congruent but I wasn’t sure why. When I felt that someone was standoff’ish but deep down knew that they weren’t. It used to muddle my brain trying to figure out what was going on and now it’s so clear. It does take practice though like most good things!

  8. Mary says:

    Well written and explained Amanda! I too read the book years ago, but I think it’s important to revisit the information from time to time. I think this is a concept that should be taught at an early age. Thanks for posting it! 🙂

  9. Amanda says:

    I agree Mary. If all parents knew about this, they could pass the knowledge and benefit of using that knowledge on to their children.

  10. Martha says:

    This book is such a useful tool to help understand those mysterious hurts we suffer at the hands of those we love. I know when I read the book it was like a light bulb going on, “See, I KNEW that he didn’t mean to hurt me, we’re just speaking different love languages. And that can be fixed!”

  11. Amanda says:

    Isn’t awareness wonderful. I am sure if we were able to have a birds eye view of a lot of what’s going on in our life, we would have a totally different perspective as to the meaning of it. The meanings we place on the events in our lives, make us who we are. One of the hardest things to accept in our personal journey is that the meanings are not real. They are a story we have made up at the time based on our past conditioning. No judgement here, it’s just the way it is. As we explore our past and how it has influenced our present, the awareness allows us to shift our reality.

  12. Cathy Hamilton says:

    Amanda thanks for sharing this. I have never heard of this book before and it sounds so helpful. I am going to buy a copy right now :).

  13. Amanda says:

    Cathy, I hope you enjoy the book.

  14. Shelley says:

    I have this book, and have never read it. It’s time to pull it out. I am ready for a partner now and am excited to learn and grow with this new information. Thanks for the reminder to pull it out!

  15. Amanda says:

    Shelley, I hope you enjoy it and goodluck on finding the man of your dreams. He is definitely out there.

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